Thoughts After Houston

Setting foot back in Texas was like coming home. It makes sense initially, the place you lived the longest and grew up should feel like home. But I had never lived in Houston, only Dallas and its surrounding cities, which is why the feeling of belonging surprised me. Everything felt right, familiar, even in a place I had never spent much time. It was strange to feel that way, and I realized I haven’t felt at home, in the way I felt then, since I left Texas. I haven’t felt at home for 18 years.

Feeling like I belonged made me brave. 

 

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I used to be an extrovert. Then at some point I turned into more of an introvert as a defense mechanism. It was during my sophomore year of high school, when we moved to Michigan and I didn’t fit in anywhere. I felt like an awkward outcast, so I kept my mouth shut. I learned to be quiet so that I couldn’t reveal how little I knew, how truly clueless I was. Now I’d say I’m an introverted extrovert. I’m not always good at striking up conversations or thinking of things to say. I love alone time. I second-guess how my goofy yet dry sense of humor will be received. I hate trying to make small talk. 

But the bravery I felt helped to diminish my fear of talking to strangers. I found it easy to start conversations, to engage in playful banter, to take conversations to a deeper level. I found it easy to share random stories from my life, and I didn’t feel too guilty doing it. People made me feel like they wanted to know about me. And I realized I didn't feel like that much as an adult. Maybe people just assume there isn’t much to know about a 30-something pastor’s wife. But the people we met in Texas made me feel interesting, and I was interested in them too.

 

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Being in Houston was a simple adventure. We weren’t doing anything glamorous, just working on homes that were damaged by Hurricane Harvey when it hit in August 2017. It’s funny how most of the country has forgotten about Harvey, but there is still so much work to be done. We weren't even supposed to be there, we were planning to go to Haiti. But our change of plans was God's plan all along. He had work for us to do.

 

On the outside, most of the houses in Houston look beautiful. But the inside is a different story. And isn’t that a metaphor for the human condition—outside we look so put together, but no one knows how broken we are on the inside, or how empty. So many people left and never came back, we were told.

 

We talked about this, and looked for signs of Harvey’s aftermath as we walked the neighborhood where we worked. Dead patches in the St. Augustine grass and remnants of discarded debris told stories of what had been dumped on front lawns. So many things had been ruined by the water. Videos and photos of the devastation reminded us what had happened where we stood.

 

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The house where my team worked was owned by an older gentleman who our team fell in love with. The first day he described how much water had been standing in his home, and how it had been a year since anyone had worked on his house. I fought back tears. It changes things when you stand in a home and look at a person face-to-face. It gives a voice, a name, a human spirit to the things you see on the news.

I was so glad our team got to work in his house. We felt like a little family, spending the days talking and laughing in between the work. It didn’t feel like we really did much—we spent the whole time installing trim. But it was one important step in the work that would continue after we left. And eventually maybe his house will feel like home again.

 

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We also spent a lot of time praying—each morning before we started working we “prayed in” the day. We also prayed at lunch, and at the end of the day. For a little while each day after lunch we went on prayer walks through the neighborhood. We didn’t see many people in the middle of the day and the Texas heat, but we still prayed for them. We hoped that teams after us would be able to interact more with the residents, to tell them why we were there and what we were doing.

 

We did get to meet Mr. Stewart in another neighborhood 15 minutes away, where a team from our group was working. Mr. Stewart told us stories of growing up as an African American, and what people called him. He fed us mustard greens and corn bread. He had us write down our phone numbers so he could call and make sure we made it home alright. Mr. Stewart sits in his garage every day and waves at everyone who drives past. I couldn't help wishing I could spend a year sitting in his garage, hearing his stories.

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On our last full day in Texas, a local church hosted a dinner for our group, and whoever from the community wanted to come. We all shared stories from the week, ate delicious food, and celebrated the ways we had seen God working throughout the week. We celebrated the simplest of things, like changed plans and safety navigating the complex Texas highways. It's amazing how good it feels to do something for someone else, how good it feels to watch people come alive again, how good it feels to come alive yourself.

Leaving Texas, I realized I could do that—I could help people come alive, I could help people feel important. And that it really doesn't take any extraordinarily special skills. Just the ability to look someone in the eye, to ask them a question, to listen to their answer. The ability to make someone feel seen and heard, it was an ability I had forgotten I possessed, but I didn't want to forget again. It is an ability that can open the door to so many other things.

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There was once a girl who lived in Texas and loved it—the baking heat, the state pride, the trips to the rodeo, the people she knew, all of it. And she never dreamed of living anywhere else. But over time she moved to other places, places where she never ever thought she'd live. And truthfully, at first she hated it, and wanted to move back to Texas. But then she grew used to it, and eventually accepted it, and lived in six other places after leaving her home.

And then one day she found out, after all of the years and miles had passed, that she was going back. She was going back to Texas with a group of people she had met in those other places. People who reminded her of the goodness of God, even on the darkest of days. People who showed her the beauty to be found beyond the familiar. And she realized that it had all been a gift—the leaving, the heartache, the new friends in new cities—a gift that brought her to this moment. A gift that gave her purpose.

Life was never what she expected, but it had become beautiful indeed.

Get Off the Fence: Why Students Need You Now

I started volunteering in high school ministry because of the leaders I didn't have. As a high school student, I couldn't help but notice the lack of interest in the youth group, particularly from the older generation. I remember feeling like people were scared of us, and wishing that more people cared. As a senior, I started helping to plan and run events, and when our youth pastor left, it cemented the realization that students desperately need leaders to show up consistently.

Over the past decade, I've made it a goal not just to be a volunteer leader, but to encourage others to volunteer or continue volunteering. It's not without its challenges, but working in student ministry is always, always worth it. If you're on the fence about it, here are three key components to consider.

Show students that they matter

One of the biggest things volunteer leaders can do every week is often the simplest: just show up. Setting aside time from your life and schedule, arriving consistently and on time, and being present communicates something. It shows students that they are important, valuable, and that they matter. It shows that you are willing to invest the precious resource of your time into their lives.

No, you won't always hear people saying thank you, but over time, you will build something meaningful with your students. You will build reliability, and will show that you care. You will provide stability, and show that you are available, whenever your students need you.

These students, the next generation, they're not going to become the church once they reach adulthood. They are the church now. Students need to know that they are important co-laborers in the work that God is doing, and they need to know that they have a place. Consistent leadership helps reinforce their importance and their value.

Teach the truth

Students learn from a multitude of channels--their school, their parents, their friends, social media, and countless external sources. These channels can reinforce and teach the truth, or they can spin a tangled web of lies that can be overwhelming and impossible to navigate alone. Without a foundation of biblical truth, how can we expect students to determine what is true and what is not?

As a volunteer leader, you have an enormous opportunity and responsibility to guide students to the truth. And unfortunately, you can't always rely on other channels. Sometimes youth group is the only place where students will hear the truth about God, humanity, and our desperate need for Jesus. And sometimes, you may be the only person speaking truth into their life. It may seem daunting, but when faced with the reality of life apart from God, the work is well worth it.

Create a legacy

As members of the church, we walk in the footsteps of those who have gone before us. The decisions and actions of older generations will always affect those who follow. As leaders within the church today, now is our time to decide what we will leave behind.

Will our season of church leadership be celebrated or mourned? Will we be known for how we led with godliness and truth, or for how we kept silent? Will we be remembered for uplifting the youth of our congregations, or will we be responsible for the loss of an entire generation within the church? It's our decision to make, but each of us will leave behind a legacy.

As a volunteer leader and member of the church body, you are actively creating a legacy for your students and the generations that follow. This is your opportunity to contribute to the history of the church, to build up the body, and to set an example for the students you lead.

Consider this your invitation to get off the fence, care for students, teach biblical truth, and create a lasting legacy.

How 7 Words Should Shape Youth Ministry & the Church

I work with high schoolers at the church I currently attend, and have been working with them since I helped lead my youth group during my senior year of high school. I've always felt a pull to this age group since, as a high schooler, I felt like most church goers wanted nothing to do with us.

My high school youth group experience consisted of very few volunteers (usually grumpy parents), disconnected youth leaders, very broken kids, and confusing life situations (for me and my peers). High school was a season of life I hated. I was depressed, confused, hurt, scared and trying to help make myself into the person I wanted to be by fighting against the person I was. Besides dealing with the "normal" high school issues of hormones, acne and boys, I also had to deal with traumatic life situations that would be hard for adults to deal with, let alone kids.

Me, circa junior year, on a youth group outing.

So when I say I know--and vividly remember--what high school was like, it's because I do. You don't forget some of the hardest, biggest, most life-shaping experiences of your life. And when I say that high school is hard, it's not in the patronizing way that some adults say it, with air quotes and rolling eyes and, "You know teenagers." Yes, I know teenagers and life in high school and that sometimes you just need one person to really care.

You also need a solid foundation in your faith to get through some of the things that life throws at you. You need to know not only what you believe, but many times, why you believe it. You need to know why it's worth being different than your unchurched peers, why it matters how you act, dress and behave. You need to know that it's not just because Christianity is stodgy and boring and filled with rules. You need to know that your life isn't just about the here and now, but the eternal, the forever that exists beyond what you can see.

And that's why I work with high schoolers, and why I think the Church needs solid Christian youth leaders now more than ever. Because the lines of Christianity are getting more and more muddled, by those claiming to be Christ-followers, and those not. As progressivism is pushed in the Church, often times for the wrong reasons, what we need are teens who know the Bible first and foremost, who understand it, and allow its truths--not the pressures of social acceptability--to govern their lives.

The point isn't to raise up a self-righteous generation of goody-goodies. The point is to bring this young generation back to the Bible. To educate them in the love of Christ, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and the justice of God.

All too often I see churches turning to an attitude of mere acceptance of "socially acceptable" worldliness and unhealthy behaviors, instead of following a biblical model for handling such situations. Or churches swing the exact opposite direction and choose to shame and cast out those who make mistakes.

Let's take teen sex and pregnancy as an example, since for the longest time, that has been held up as one of the worst sins. I love looking at Jesus' example for handling such situations.

John 8:1-11 tells the story of a woman who was caught in adultery (having sex with someone she wasn't married to). The religious folk of that time--including leaders and teachers--had gathered and were prepared to stone her. Jesus was present, so they asked him what they should do, and I love his answer. He doesn't say any of the things we'd expect, like, "She's a sinner, cast her out," or "Get on with it," or even, "It's hard to abstain," or "Everyone's doing it, so why can't she?" He says, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

One by one, each person leaves until the only person without sin is left--Jesus. And amazingly, the only person in that situation who could throw a stone, doesn't. But he doesn't leave without doing something. He doesn't lecture, he doesn't condone. He simply says, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go and leave your life of sin."

Wait, what? Doesn't that go against everything both "sides" of the Christian spectrum are fighting for? It goes against condemnation, self-righteousness and the general practice of shaming. It simultaneously goes against acceptance, turning a blind eye, or saying "Get a condom, prevent unwanted pregnancy."

I see two things in this passage: love and encouragement to right living. And really neither look like what we'd expect. In today's society, we think loving people looks like merely accepting them for who they are and what they do, regardless of what that is. Jesus demonstrates that loving involves more than just accepting. It includes encouragement to right living. "Go and leave your life of sin."

As Christ-followers, how are we handling the prospect and occurrence of teen pregnancy? Are we jumping on the bandwagon that says, "Teens are having sex, it's happening, so let's be sure to teach them about contraceptives"? The problem is this view is ultimately toxic as it treats the symptoms and not the problem. It may stop pregnancy, but it doesn't stop a destructive (yes, destructive) behavior of teen sex.

But, neither does condemnation stop teen sex. It just pushes teens out of the Church, which should be the one place they can find help. Because as a body of people claiming to follow Christ, we should be governed by his loving example. We should take up his words of "Go and leave your life of sin," using it to teach teens the following:

1. Mistakes happen. You aren't perfect and never will be. We've all made mistakes and don't pretend to be perfect. We don't expect you to be perfect and we won't kick you out or look down on you or love you any less for making mistakes. (Like the religious leaders in John 8, we aren't in a place to throw stones.)

2. Your mistakes don't have to become habits, they don't define you. Just because you make a mistake, doesn't mean the behavior has to or should continue. Poor choices and mistakes that are allowed to continue will eventually become habits, and these are not habits you want to form.

3. The Bible outlines the ways in which God wants us to live, not out of compulsion or a desire to be "good enough" for God, but because he wants the best for us. And, if we have a relationship with Jesus, our understanding of his sacrifice fuels our desire to devote our lives to him. We will educate you on this, and we'll have open dialogue about issues like teen sex, pregnancy, etc., because nothing is off-limits for discussion. We don't believe in remaining silent.

4. There is so much more beyond the here and now, and we want to help you fix your eyes on what is waiting after. We believe that knowing life doesn't end here, changes your perspective on the here and now. Sure, things feel great here, but it's all temporary, it all fades. Life in Christ lasts forever.

5. We want to help you, encourage you, equip you and motivate you to live your life for Jesus. We want to help you wrestle with the tough questions. We want to support you in whatever you are dealing with. We will provide a safe place for you to talk through whatever is on your mind or going on in your life, without judgement or condemnation. We are, after all, a family.

Can you imagine how churches would be changed if people stepped outside of their preconceived notions of church and how they think it should be and got back to just the Bible? In times of question, when the Church is wrestling with where it should stand on important issues, the only place it should turn is the Bible. We shouldn't look to the political climate, the actions of others, social pressures, or a demand for progressivism. In the end, those aren't the things we'll be answering to; we'll be answering to God alone, and I think he wants us to listen to him.

Oh, and what happens when one of your youth group attendees ends up pregnant? Is she out the door, or told to get an abortion before anyone knows she was having sex? Do you think Jesus would encourage either one of those responses? I don't. I think it takes love, grace and a group of people who will offer help and support because there are now two lives that need Jesus, and none that need condemnation.

I hope in the end I will have helped some teens not only survive high school, but become stronger in their faith, more sure of their beliefs and more equipped to know and understand the Bible and the truth it contains. And I pray for love like Jesus, for me and for the Church.