Promise Me This

You don't have to put your hand on a Bible. Or swear to always be true. Just make this pact with me, and we'll always be this for each other.

Let's promise to...

always have each other's backs. No matter who, no matter what.

remind each other how special the other one is. I know this world wouldn't be the same without you, and I'll remind you every day if I have to.

talk every single day, even if it's only in a text message.

always call each other "best friend," even if it sounds a little childish.

remember each other's birthdays. Send a card, sing, or write a long Facebook message.

bid each other good-night, even if we're 1,000 miles apart.

send each other picture messages just because. Or to find out if the outfit I'm about to buy does make me look fat...

let each other cry if we need to. And be there to catch the tears, even if it's only over the phone.

go on a date, just because. And if we're not together, we'll have a date on Skype.

color-coordinate our outfits, even if we're the only ones that know.

forget the diet some days. Want to share a Coke?

reminisce about our favorite times together. Do you remember the day we met? Or when we got in so much trouble?

laugh until we cry, because we both know that laughter is the best medicine.

hug every time we meet. And sometimes even after.

send each other postcards when we're not on vacation together. And maybe even if we are...

let "I'm sorry" be enough.

keep all the secrets we share.

support each other's dreams, even if they don't make perfect sense all the time.

remind each other to dance. It's in the risk-taking that you truly live.

be there in the times of deepest pain. And remember if you don't know what to say, it's okay, neither do I.

tell each other random stories, like that one time when...

always say "I love you," because we both need to hear it.

keep each other company in the nursing home. And maybe get into a little mischief, for old time's sake.

watch our favorite movie over and over because honestly, it never gets old.

be honest. If it's a bad idea, just tell me.

And finally, let's promise to never forget one another. The world is too lonely a place already.

The Terrible Truth

Do you ever have those times when you wish you could just speak your mind and say whatever the heck you wanted? Sometimes it's not even something bad, just something you wish you could get off your chest but you're too afraid to say?

Yeah, I think that's why they invented PostSecret (people decorate postcards, then send them in with their deep, dark secrets; see the photo above).

There is something liberating about being able to say something that you could never come right out and say. Whether it's pride, social acceptability, fear or self-preservation, something keeps us from speaking so many things we think each day.

Well, I'm making my own secret-posting place and saying some of the things I never said, for whatever reason. (Obviously not everything is directed to the same person, but some people may have more than one secret directed at them.) Be warned, some things are brutally honest, but that's the point of this... right?

* * *

For some reason, Facebook thinks I want to see your pictures. I would be absolutely fine if I never saw your face again.

Sometimes I wish I never let you go, but then I remember I still had so much growing up to do before I could really appreciate you.

My fear of becoming just like you motivates me to do things differently. And no, you're not my mother. ;)

Once, you were my biggest regret. But I know if I hadn't done what I did for you, I would've lived with regret for the rest of my life. Now I only have a little bit of regret, and it's rapidly fading.

I wanted to break up with you, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm glad it didn't take you long to break up with me. I felt so relieved when you did.

I really have nothing to say to you, which is strange because I could write a book about what happened in our friendship. All that it boils down to is that you pretended to be someone completely different than who you really were. The truth is, we never really were friends and you are dead to me now.

I used to think you were pretty crazy, and not in a good way. Now I love you for it.

I thought you were about the cutest guy I had ever seen and almost got my boss to tell you to ask me out. Good thing we Facebook friended each other first so I could find out you were in a relationship. :P

When I didn't hear from you, I (worst-case-scenario) thought you had died in a car accident. When I found out what really happened, I wished you had died instead.

I'm not into physical violence, but there were some days I could've slapped you and not felt bad at all.

I wished you weren't gay so many times because I wanted to date you.

Yeah, I was seriously jealous of you until your fiance kissed me on the cheek. Then I wasn't so jealous any more.

I disliked your boyfriend with a passion. I was so glad when you guys broke up just because it meant I wouldn't have to see him on a daily basis.

I barely know you, and I'm okay with that.

I really hope you don't like me as anything more than a friend because I don't want things to get awkward between us.

You are the best friend I have ever known, but I've probably already told you that. It's not really a secret.

I was sort of upset when I felt like you picked her over me. Then she picked him over you and I didn't feel so bad.

You make me feel so uncomfortable. If things hadn't gone the way they did, I think we could've been good friends.

Of course it was only later after I moved that I found out you were sort of famous. You brought me donuts and complemented my eyes. The world needs more people like you in it.

If you weren't so much older than me, I'd have a major crush on you.

I never meant to hurt your feelings, but how the heck was I going to say no?

I tried to invest in you and encourage you; all you ended up doing was spreading lies about me and then ignoring me. I can't really consider you a friend any more.

You're not real, but a bunch of us like to pretend that you are.

Sometimes I wonder why in the world I ever dated you. I think it was one of the bigger mistakes I made.

I miss you so much. You were the only person that stayed my friend when everyone else ditched me. I love you for that.

You're not as attractive as you used to be. I'm trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

I love that we can be brutally honest with each other. There's only one big thing that I haven't told you, but I think you know what it is already.

I get excited when I see I have a text from you, even if it's nothing serious or hugely important.

I learned how to be a better friend because you showed me how to be a bad one.

You took me on the best first date I had ever been on... a Rockies game on a warm, sunny day. Perfect.

I had a weird dream that you let yourself go and you looked terrible. Then a few days later I saw a picture of you in real life. You looked exactly the same as you did in my dream. It was freaky.

I wonder if your family knows half of the things about you that I know, or if you're still pretending for them.

I honestly would love having you for a mother-in-law. It would be nice to have your MIL be someone that liked you before you even got into the relationship.

You were seriously one of the funniest people I knew in college. I miss working with you more than anyone.

I played up my stomach ache just so I wouldn't have to see you when you were in town. I think you figured that out though.

I miss you. A lot.

We used to share the most random stories, and I had the best time.

It's hard for me to look in a mirror and not think about what you used to call me.

Sometimes I feel bad for you. But most times I don't. I'm mostly glad that I ended up being right.

I miss junior high for two reasons. You are one of them.

Thank you for accepting me exactly as I am and not trying to make me into someone I'm not.

I Before E Except After C...

I'm back. Back in the world of AP Style, little hand-held voice recorders, a building that smells like newsprint, and grammatical anal-retentiveness.

Yes, I'm a journalist once again.

For multiple reasons, I'm glad, but one in particular that has been driving me a little crazy ever since I left. I've almost been losing my touch, particularly with spelling. But now, I'm back "in-practice" so it's getting better.

I'm also glad that I get to write for a living once again. One of my biggest regrets when I left the newspaper and moved to Denver, was that I was giving up the opportunity to communicate via writing and photography full time. I often wondered if it was a huge mistake, letting that go. Now, thank goodness, I don't have to wonder.

My first week back has almost felt like I never left (besides the fact that I'm having to re-adjust to a Mac-based work environment and all the special key commands that come along with that). I'm right back in the swing of things, covering events and getting stories on the front page. And even though I'm the newest reporter, I definitely skipped that "peon" phase. This makes me quite glad.

I'm excited for future growth. If there is one thing I learned in my last job it's that I like to be challenged personally and professionally. In my last job my goal was to improve, streamline and goal-orient the work flow. I hope that this will be something I can bring to my job at the paper.

I love the task of problem-solving, of asking "How can this be better?" And though I'm just a reporter, I hope one day I can implement some of my ideas. The good thing about ideas is you can try them and if they don't work out, you can scrap them and come up with something new.

For now, I'm going to work on improving my writing, reporting and researching skills. If there is one thing I love, it's digging for background information. There is so much you can find out by searching online and talking to experts in the field. Then the challenge becomes getting that information out to people in a way that is appealing and easy to understand. Clarity is key.

So I'm back, back to writing and learning and growing. And hopefully, succeeding once again.

Lives in Pictures

"I pictured you and me always, and in this photograph we'll stay." - MuteMath, Picture

There's been a lot going on lately, a lot to think about and process. The biggest thing is that I finally got a job. (Yay!) And the really ironic thing is that it was the job I had before I moved to Denver. (I'll be a reporter at the newspaper here in the town where I live.)

If life had a rewind button, this would be the closest I could get to it. Minus the actual going back, because there are nearly two years between the last time and this time. And that is the one thing that honestly scares me.

Do you ever feel like things in your life never happened? That maybe, even though you remember it, that somehow it was merely conjured up in your mind? It feels so distant, so faded, only a memory kept silently locked in your thoughts. And then when you share it with someone, you almost feel like it's a story you made up or something you read in a book.

For all the pain and heartache that occurred in Denver, I don't want it to become one of those types of memories. I don't want to go a few years and look back and say to myself, "Did I really live there, or have I only just imagined it?"

Then the other day I found an old, full memory card I had packed away. I got it out intending to clear it, to delete every photo it held, because I knew what was on it. It was the card my camera held in 2009, the year that I moved to Denver. I put it in my laptop, figuring that would be the fastest way to empty it, but of course I ended up looking through some of the photographs.

I expected them to be upsetting, reminders of a time that was seemingly wasted. But surprisingly, I found myself smiling as I scrolled through them, reminders of a time that did happen. And for all I know now, in those moments, I was completely happy. That is how I want to remember Denver.

I couldn't bring myself to delete a single picture. Not because I wanted to hold on to those feelings or because I miss those days. It was because I didn't want to allow myself to forget that they happened. There was something wonderfully tangible about those pictures, like the fuzzy memories had been given definition, color, life. It was as though they suddenly became real again.

Perhaps one day I'll write down everything that happened, because there are some crazy and amazing stories from that time. For now, though, I'll let them live in pictures.

I'm excited to see where life is going to go now. I have to let the past be the past and I can't live in it. And above all else, I know this is exactly where God wants me. Because through all the moving and jobs and failures and successes, he brought me right back to the same place I was. He brought me home.