Friday, May 20, 2011

The Terrible Truth

Do you ever have those times when you wish you could just speak your mind and say whatever the heck you wanted? Sometimes it's not even something bad, just something you wish you could get off your chest but you're too afraid to say?

Yeah, I think that's why they invented PostSecret (people decorate postcards, then send them in with their deep, dark secrets; see the photo above).

There is something liberating about being able to say something that you could never come right out and say. Whether it's pride, social acceptability, fear or self-preservation, something keeps us from speaking so many things we think each day.

Well, I'm making my own secret-posting place and saying some of the things I never said, for whatever reason. (Obviously not everything is directed to the same person, but some people may have more than one secret directed at them.) Be warned, some things are brutally honest, but that's the point of this... right?

* * *

For some reason, Facebook thinks I want to see your pictures. I would be absolutely fine if I never saw your face again.

Sometimes I wish I never let you go, but then I remember I still had so much growing up to do before I could really appreciate you.

My fear of becoming just like you motivates me to do things differently. And no, you're not my mother. ;)

Once, you were my biggest regret. But I know if I hadn't done what I did for you, I would've lived with regret for the rest of my life. Now I only have a little bit of regret, and it's rapidly fading.

I wanted to break up with you, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm glad it didn't take you long to break up with me. I felt so relieved when you did.

I really have nothing to say to you, which is strange because I could write a book about what happened in our friendship. All that it boils down to is that you pretended to be someone completely different than who you really were. The truth is, we never really were friends and you are dead to me now.

I used to think you were pretty crazy, and not in a good way. Now I love you for it.

I thought you were about the cutest guy I had ever seen and almost got my boss to tell you to ask me out. Good thing we Facebook friended each other first so I could find out you were in a relationship. :P

When I didn't hear from you, I (worst-case-scenario) thought you had died in a car accident. When I found out what really happened, I wished you had died instead.

I'm not into physical violence, but there were some days I could've slapped you and not felt bad at all.

I wished you weren't gay so many times because I wanted to date you.

Yeah, I was seriously jealous of you until your fiance kissed me on the cheek. Then I wasn't so jealous any more.

I disliked your boyfriend with a passion. I was so glad when you guys broke up just because it meant I wouldn't have to see him on a daily basis.

I barely know you, and I'm okay with that.

I really hope you don't like me as anything more than a friend because I don't want things to get awkward between us.

You are the best friend I have ever known, but I've probably already told you that. It's not really a secret.

I was sort of upset when I felt like you picked her over me. Then she picked him over you and I didn't feel so bad.

You make me feel so uncomfortable. If things hadn't gone the way they did, I think we could've been good friends.

Of course it was only later after I moved that I found out you were sort of famous. You brought me donuts and complemented my eyes. The world needs more people like you in it.

If you weren't so much older than me, I'd have a major crush on you.

I never meant to hurt your feelings, but how the heck was I going to say no?

I tried to invest in you and encourage you; all you ended up doing was spreading lies about me and then ignoring me. I can't really consider you a friend any more.

You're not real, but a bunch of us like to pretend that you are.

Sometimes I wonder why in the world I ever dated you. I think it was one of the bigger mistakes I made.

I miss you so much. You were the only person that stayed my friend when everyone else ditched me. I love you for that.

You're not as attractive as you used to be. I'm trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

I love that we can be brutally honest with each other. There's only one big thing that I haven't told you, but I think you know what it is already.

I get excited when I see I have a text from you, even if it's nothing serious or hugely important.

I learned how to be a better friend because you showed me how to be a bad one.

You took me on the best first date I had ever been on... a Rockies game on a warm, sunny day. Perfect.

I had a weird dream that you let yourself go and you looked terrible. Then a few days later I saw a picture of you in real life. You looked exactly the same as you did in my dream. It was freaky.

I wonder if your family knows half of the things about you that I know, or if you're still pretending for them.

I honestly would love having you for a mother-in-law. It would be nice to have your MIL be someone that liked you before you even got into the relationship.

You were seriously one of the funniest people I knew in college. I miss working with you more than anyone.

I played up my stomach ache just so I wouldn't have to see you when you were in town. I think you figured that out though.

I miss you. A lot.

We used to share the most random stories, and I had the best time.

It's hard for me to look in a mirror and not think about what you used to call me.

Sometimes I feel bad for you. But most times I don't. I'm mostly glad that I ended up being right.

I miss junior high for two reasons. You are one of them.

Thank you for accepting me exactly as I am and not trying to make me into someone I'm not.


Fran said...

OMGosh, love this blog. I even echo some of your comments. Hmmm...makes me think I should write some thoughts down; however, fear that people may read one day when I'm gone keeps me from doing that. I respect the heck out of you! Look forward to more!

Jess said...

This may be one of my favorite blogs of yours but now I can't stand not knowing for sure who they are all directed at!! haha.

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