These days, I'm happy just to have a few moments to breathe, to think. So much is happening so fast, I feel like I should be holding on to something so I don't get swept away.
Life, very rarely, is "planned out," even though we to do our best to plan it every day. We decide what we'll do and when, even making plans for the unexpected things that we didn't plan on happening.
Most times, however, those plans don't quite work out the way we thought or hoped they would. There's always a glitch, a flaw, something we didn't plan for. At least, that's the story of my life.
Now, once again, I'm tempted to try to plan life in this tumultuous time. But as tempted as I am, deep down I know it won't do me much good. Each of my plans has failed before, and the rest will probably fail too. The only plans that have succeeded are the ones I haven't come up with. The ones that God has written and directed. Which is why, in all this mess, I feel most at peace.
Peace, a word, a concept that's been reoccurring quite often, and I feel like is my word for the year. Peace knowing that God's got my life in his hands. Peace knowing I don't have to stress or worry. Peace in my heart, being able to be still and quiet and just exist. Peace in my relationships, letting them be as they are and letting go of what I cannot control. And being able to bring peace to others, however I can.
The past few days have been anything but peaceful, and I'm sure the next few will be similar. There have been so many times when I've wanted to stress out, or freak out, but this overwhelming feeling of peace and calm has kept me from it. It almost goes against human nature to relax in the hardest moments, but through God's grace I've been able to.
I have no idea what the days ahead will hold, but I sort of like that. I know that anything can happen, and with God in control, it will be good. For now, I'm just working on following his leading in every aspect of my life, and leaning always on his peace.
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